How to Fight Well in a Relationship – Practical Tips You Can Use Today

Fighting in a relationship isn't the problem, but how you fight is. Here's how to argue without hurting your connection.

So you think good relationships don't have fights? That's actually not true. The healthiest couples do actually argue, but they do it differently.

Hi, I'm Dr. Andrea Zorbas. I'm a psychologist from Therapy Now SF. Conflict is a natural part of every relationship, and it's not about avoiding fights. It's about learning how to navigate them in a way that actually strengthens your bond. Today I'll share five practical tips to help you fight well.

So the first one, you really wanna start with respect. This may be obvious, but when you're riled up and a little bit emotional, sometimes it can be hard to have that respect, but it's really important. And so you wanna treat your partner with kindness, even when you disagree. You wanna avoid name calling, insults. And then of course, sarcasm.

Number two, focus on the issue, not the person. So this is where you're using those "I" statements:

"I feel...",

" I need..."

Instead of blaming language. So keep the discussion on the current issue, not going back and running a list of all those past problems you've had.

Number three, please take a break if you need it. Pause the conversation when emotions run high and agree on a specific time to revisit the discussion.

Number four, listen as much or more than you're actually speaking. Reflect back what you've heard to show that you understand and let your partner finish before you respond. That's a huge piece of it. So no interrupting.

Number five, aim for solutions not victory. So focus on finding common ground rather than trying to prove that you're right and ask:

"what can I do differently next time?"

So you're really problem solving for the future.

In summary, when handled with respect and care, disagreements can actually bring you closer so the next time conflict arises, and it will 'cause it always does, try these tips and see how they change the tone and outcome of your conversations.